Getting organized!

I have finally decided to work on organizing my photos.  I started this project a LONG time ago, but got sidetracked by life, as happens with many (most?) of my projects.

My first step is to transfer all my photos from my laptop to my portable hard drive.  My second step will be to go through the folders and delete those pictures that are not very good.  After that, I will print out lots and lots of pictures, because what good to they do sitting on my little hard drive?  I want to be able to look through albums with friends and family and giggle about the silly things we were wearing, and the antics we pulled.

I got inspired to do this last year, a couple of times, and then again this year.  The first time I got inspired was when we visited our friends Gina and John at their home on Long Island.  She pulled out photo albums from when we were in college, and it was fun to reminisce.  She was always SO good at keeping photo albums!

The second time I got inspired to do this was after my father in law passed away.  All 8 Stacy kids made it for the funeral, and the family and extended family had a good time looking through the pictures.  It was nice to see Dad and the family during happier times.  There were holiday celebrations, birthday parties, baptisms, weddings, and just random pictures.

I got inspired a third time when my brother in law was visiting in September.  He pulled out the photo albums and showed pictures of his childhood to his girlfriend, it was her first visit with the family, and there were many people whom she was not going to get the chance to meet.

Since then I have started printing out photographs (just 4x6's) and putting them in an album.  I hope to fill that one up and get another one filled.  I have lots of empty albums lying around, I hope to fill them all up with memories so that one day, my boy and his girlfriend (or wife) can look at them and smile.

Back to your roots

On Wednesday night, I had the unique opportunity to go back to my roots-go back about 10-15 years and hang out with friends and see one of my favorite, Phish, play in my hometown. 

It was a great show.  First and foremost because it was a reunion with some friends.  I hadn't seen one of them in four years, and five years for the other two.  Lots has changed in our lives since the last time we were all together.  We have mellowed, in some ways, like a fine wine-or maybe a better analogy would be we have aged well, like a good whiskey.  Our lives have changed-one of us became a homeowner for the first time a couple years ago, the other two got married (to each other) about six weeks ago, and I became a mommy almost 10 months ago.  But, some things never change-that we were able to hang out and have fun together!

The show was amazing.  It was a tiny venue.  It had been TEN YEARS, yes, a DECADE since I had seen them live.  Just life got in the way of hitting shows.  Plus, two breaks for the band kind of put a damper on things.  My lifestyle has changed drastically in those ten years.  I have gone from the carefree, single, hippie girl who was just out of college to the married mommy who takes care of a household, bills, and the two most important men in her life.  But as soon as we got to the parking lot, and saw everyone just hanging out and having a good time, part of that carefree hippie girl came right back.  I guess she wasn't hiding too far below the surface. 

I chatted with the guy next to me a bit.  He had been hitting shows since 1993, three years before I started seeing them.  We both agreed that THIS was THE show to hit out of the fall tour.  And that they were playing the way we remembered them playing "back in the day".  After the show we introduced ourselves to each other and he asked if me and my friends were going out after the show.  I said that we weren't as I had to get home to my husband and baby who were waiting for me.  In another life, the answer would have been different and my friends and I would have hit up the Electric Company and other bars on Varick Street.  That's a sign that the carefree hippie girl is not here anymore.  

During the show, I danced and danced and danced.  I danced because I needed to.  I danced because I wanted to.  I danced really hard because I don't know when my next chance will be to see this band live.  I sure hope its not ten years. I sure hope its not five years before I see my friends again.

I think its important for everyone to go back to their roots at some point, especially if they have experienced a lifestyle change.  Its important because it helps you remember those experiences that shaped you into who you are, it helps you realize that some things don't change, and that more importantly, some things do change, but just get better with age. 

loss-remembering and learning and knowing and growing

I have thought alot about writing this post in the past week.  I don't know exactly what I want to write, but I know I need to write something. 

Two years ago in early October, I was blissfully pregnant.  Or so I thought.  Things were really stressful at work, and I started spotting one day.  I thought it was just stress or something, and when it kept up, I called the doctor.  The next day they had me go in for an ultrasound.  I should have known things were not good when the tech was very quiet.  She didn't really say anything and didn't point anything out to us on the screen.  What we saw was just a blob.  A blob that was smaller than it should have been.  A blob that should have had a heartbeat and should have been wiggling.  A blob that was supposed to be our baby.  The doctor called later that day and informed me of the sad news.  I was crushed.  I somehow made it home (because I was on my way into work at the time), and shortly after that, my husband got home.  I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.  He actually cried too.  That was the first time I had seen him cry.  He tried to play it off like it was my tears dripping onto his face.  I guess what happened is at 9 weeks and 6 days, something happened that caused our baby to stop living.  My body didn't start doing anything about it for another 3 weeks.

My husband was my rock through this experience.  I learned alot about myself in the months that followed.  I learned that I could be genuinely happy for a very good girlfriend when she told me she was expecting, yet incredibly sad for myself, and I could be a support to her when the worst happened with her pregnancy a few weeks later. I learned the strength of friendship can reach across the miles. I learned that I needed to become more tolerant of others and more patient.  There were alot of lessons I learned that were related to my work life-most of all I had to think of one person in particular as a child of some one, and learn to appreciate him as a person, not look at him as someone who had horrible behaviors because he wanted to make people's lives miserable.  I learned the highs and lows of my spirit. I found strength I never knew I had.  I felt pain like I never thought I could feel.   

I have also learned that things happen, and you have to buck up, and move on.  Yes, be sad, mourn, grieve, and do what you need to do, but don't let it consume you.  Find beauty and happiness in every day.  Because there IS beauty and happiness every day-some days it may just be harder to see than others.

I still think of the little angel we have in heaven.  I don't know if that baby was a boy or a girl, but I like to think of the baby as a girl.  I know she's in heaven looking down on us-maybe now she's even growing up with her grandpa by her side.  I know that if she had been born, my beautiful baby boy would not be here-and I wouldn't trade him for all the tea in China or all the stars in the sky. 

October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day.  Please visit the site here. If you're so inclined, please light a candle in memory of all the angels who were taken from their mommy and daddies arms too soon.  I hope that no other woman I know ever has to go through the pain of pregnancy loss, but I know that's not realistic.  The statistics are 1 in 3 pregnancies.  Well, I must know alot of the 1's.  I also know that if something happens during a pregnancy of someone that I love, that I will be there for whatever they need.  Even if its just a smile or a hug. 

Keeping up

As my baby boy starts to become more and more mobile and independent, I realize that its harder to keep up with things. You may ask "What things?". And I will respond heartily: "EVERYTHING!!!" My housework, laundry, etc. Yardwork, phone calls, emails. Exercise, eating healthy, and my blog. Yup-especially forget about keeping up with the Kardashians, or even just the three television shows I like to watch that are longer than 30 minutes.

Yet, I realize that these things are all important to me, and I need to keep up with them. How can I make sure I am able to accomplish what I need to during the day, yet provide a loving and safe environment that fosters the growth and creativity of my wonderful child?

If you know the answer, please tell me! And the answer can't include cloning myself, or hiring people to do the work for me!

A few minutes for myself

I got the baby down for a nap and stole a few minutes for myself.

What did I choose to do?

Play on the internet? NOOOO....
Watch any of my DVR'd shows? NOOOO....

So, what did I do?
Got on my exercise shoes (the ones I forgot at Zumba the other night, but picked up on Wednesday) and did 40 minutes of exercise. Then I got on the computer. Hahaha!

I feel fantastic. I need 40 minutes of this type of time for myself every day. :)

Now to change and pick up and figure out what we're having for dinner, besides some leftovers from last night.